I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
