He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
