Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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