so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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