I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I would ride that face into the sunset
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
