Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Fuck appropriateness.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
