I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
