Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
