I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This is my gift to your gina
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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