i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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