well you can't waste a boner
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
