now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
His nipple licking is glorious
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