i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
