does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
