oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
