Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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