i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
