how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it's great music for shaving your balls
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
