Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
