I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
