Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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