Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
