So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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