wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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