I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
