i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
