and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
