My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
