Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
