I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
