he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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