so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
