This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
