Your dad touched me again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
