i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
This toilet bowl is my home.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
