I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
