capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
