my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
