I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
