YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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