WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
