what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
