I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
