John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
