Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
