it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
