I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
