I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
