Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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