I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
